


John and Sherlock Talk about Sex

by AnneElliot



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Discussion of Anal Sex, M/M, No actual sex, but sex assumed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 13:57:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2027619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneElliot/pseuds/AnneElliot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unspecified time but John and Sherlock are at 221B and in a sexual relationship.</p>
<p>Of course, I don't own any of these characters and it's not to implied that this is canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John and Sherlock Talk about Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure why I felt the need to write this, but I was doing some reading and one thing led to another.

Sherlock squirmed on the couch in his “ask me what I’m thinking about” pose. To a casual observer, it might closely resemble his thinking pose. But John wasn't supposed be a casual observer now that they were sex partners as well as colleagues. But no, John was aggressively sitting calmly in his chair reading the paper at him. Or maybe John’s observational skills hadn’t improved as much as he thought.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. “John, why haven't you asked what I’m thinking about?”

John didn't even lift his eyes from the paper. “OK,” he replied pleasantly. “What are you thinking about, Sherlock?”

“Sex,” retorted Sherlock, promptly. In his peripheral vision, he saw that at least earned him a quick glance.

“I hope that means you are remembering the great shag you had this morning and not that you’ve deleted it already and want to go again,” John replied. “I woke up to a great shag, had a good breakfast, and now I just want to read my paper and enjoy the morning.”

“I don't delete our shags.” Sherlock was surprised John would even think that. But later. He had an agenda. “I’m wondering why you never ask to bugger me.”

John turned a page in the paper. “Never enjoyed it, to be honest.”

Sherlock turned his head to look directly at John. “I thought I was your first man. ‘Not gay’, remember?”

John sighed. “I know women aren't your area, Sherlock, but surely you're aware that women can have anal sex? I had a girlfriend who liked it, but I didn't really care for it.”

“Why not? Isn't penetration the most important part of sex and anal sex the best kind?”

At that, John actually put his paper down. “The most important part of sex? Sherlock, do you get all your information on sex from porn? The most important part of sex is the connection with your partner. Usually orgasm is the most pleasurable part, but not always. The whole ‘if it’s not penetration it’s not sex’ idea is outmoded, dangerous, and oddly prudish. Some people like penetration, some like it vaginally only, some like it anally, some don’t like it at all. As long as you're both happy, it’s fine.”

Sherlock’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you like anal sex?”

John sighed again. “Who knows? I suppose as a doctor, I spend too much time with my hands up people’s assholes. The prep feels like I'm back at work, which is decidedly unsexy. Even if she did the prep herself, it felt - - almost claustrophobic. Besides, I've seen enough anal fissures that I'm hyper-aware of what can go wrong so I worry more than I enjoy it, even though I know that’s silly. But even before med school, I never fantasized about it. I know some people really like it but it’s just not my thing. Why? Are you dissatisfied? Do you want to bugger me?”

“Not at all,” Sherlock replied. “But I know you enjoyed sex with women, so it makes sense that you would be missing it.”

“You git,” John shot back. “You are gorgeous, you’re amazing in bed, and God help me, I love you. Why would I miss sex with anyone else? I don't even have to go hunting for sex any more. I’m not missing anything.” He picked up his paper again. “You're such a genius at deduction, that should be obvious to you.”

Sherlock paused. “But, John, is this normal? For homosexuals, I mean? Shouldn't we want anal sex?”

John chuckled. “Yes, we're completely normal homosexuals, Sherlock. They all run around solving crimes and blowing things up in the kitchen. You idiot, you should know better than that. No one’s normal when it comes to sex. It’s notoriously hard to get accurate data, but some studies seem to show more heterosexual couples have anal sex than homosexual couples. Now, paint your mind palace blue or whatever you do in there and let me read the paper in peace.”

“Do you have those studies, John? I need to see if they used appropriate methods.”

“Thought you were a detective. You can find them, you overgrown chatterbox.”

Sherlock assumed his actual thinking pose. He felt one corner of his mouth turn up slightly and a warm feeling in his chest.

Silence reigned in the flat for almost 20 minutes until John suddenly put down his paper. “Sherlock, I absolutely forbid you to run a study on anal sex. I double forbid you asking anyone we know about anal sex.”

“But, John, science,” was as far as he got before John tackled him and growled, “I mean it, private.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda disturbed about how sex is currently portrayed in our culture. There are some studies of the kind John mentions. But more important, sex is between you and your partner. Here endeth the sermon.


End file.
